Laughing Gas

An elderly man in Miami called up his son in New York and said, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough." 


"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screamed. 


“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he said. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hung up. 


Now, the son was worried. So he called up his sister. She said, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and called her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hung up. 


The old man turned to his wife and said "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and they're paying their own airfares.”